" Can I treat you to a coffee" -- No, I'm sorry and here's why.

This blog post may be a little bit of an unpopular topic, But I think its an important subject that needs to be touched on.

I would like to preface this by saying that, I love all of you. I appreciate all of you. This is not directed at a single person or persons. I just want to give a little insight on a couple of things that could help your business more than you know.

I tend to get these messages asking a to "pick my brain over a cup of coffee" A LOT. And up until about 6 months ago, I would agree. Because I WANTED too, I WANT to share my knowledge, I WANT TO HELP YOU. But also, I worked really really hard for ALL of this.

Last week a photographed a wedding in Greece, a goal I had been dreaming up for 5 years.

Last week a photographed a wedding in Greece, a goal I had been dreaming up for 5 years.

SO SWEET. But This just isnt okay. I know you may think its a flattering form of telling someone you admire them, their work ethic, their business model, whatever it is you admire about them or their work. But sometimes it can come off a little differently.

Now after saying that, it's important to remember that we only see ONE thing on social media, we see whatever that person is WILLING to show you. So their life may have a MILLION other things going on affecting their day to day job/schedule.

So sometimes, those times where you think you are sending a harmless DM ( what's the worse they can say, no? that's what you're thinking before you press send right?) Well those DM's can come from 5 people in one day, right after that person's brain you want to pick has spent hours creating free content to blog , spent an hour thinking about what to post as their caption for instagram & how it can help you. To show you that they care about you, love you, and WANT to help you and your business.

Sometimes receiving messages like that, as flattering as you may think they are. They make us question what we're doing wrong. My mind gets flooded with questions like "am I not providing enough value for people" "am I coming up short" "Danielle, you need to make more time to help others. People need this information and you can help them get it"

But I also got to where I am because I've put in the hours, I've gotten the degree, I've done the research, I've googled countless things like "how to stand out" "how to define my brand" "what to expect when running a business" I mean the list could go on and on and on.


So this is my suggestion for you before you send a DM asking to pick someone's brain, asking for their time for free, for them to give you knowledge they've been working years.

Do One of these three things instead

  1. Be actively engaged with them, with their business, with their post. Show your value to them. Show them that you really do love their work, that you really do want to learn from them, be active on the polls, read their blogs, listen to their podcast. Whatever it is. Show them that you VALUE what they are already doing

  2. ASK HOW YOU CAN HELP THEM — If you cant afford a mentorship or whatever course they are selling, reach out to them. say something like “ I cant afford your mentorships or courses, but is there anything I could do to help you? I would love to see about second shooting as a form of payment” or “ Is there any help you need with back end business stuff, I really enjoy social media, could we work something out where I take over your social media for a month or tow in form of payment” — Now, its important to remember not everyone will agree to this. But some will. & If they say no, you need to be okay with that. Down get offended or upset. Just think to yourself, I’ll be there one day. I’ll make this dream happen.

  3. INVEST IN TEHM — If you can afford to invest in something they've taken time to create. DO IT. When you invest in things, people take note of it. Think about something as small as referring someone to your bank. You get an incentive when you refer someone, why? Because you’ve shown value to your bank and they want to say thank you to you by providing that incentive. If you have ever invested a penny into me or business you get my undivided attention, you get text back at 11:30 at night, you get vendor referrals, you get ALL of my knowledge on whatever subject you are wanting to know. Why? Because you’ve proven to me that you value me, my hard work, and everything it has taken me to get here. But not only that, you value YOURSELF. Your business, or your wedding day. People see value people that value them.

Another great exercise is to put this topic into perspective is: put yourself in the shoes you WANT to be in. Think about the things you WANT to be doing in your business 6 months from now, a year from now, and think about what you WANT to be asked. How certain scenarios would make you feel. Do you want to be telling people no, you don't have time to sit down with them, or do you want to be saying "Of course, my mentorships start at x amount and I would LOVE to share my knowledge with you" or "OMG so happy you want to learn from me, im hosting a workshop where I cover the exact topic you asked about"

If you see yourself sitting down with 3-4 people/week during the insanely busy week you have planned already and not getting paid for it and spilling all your secrets, then go for it. YOU ARE A SAINT. And maybe im just not, but I think overall people want to feel appreciated, that want to know that all the long hours they've put into their business and still are putting into it are worth it. People want to feel like they're helping people, but also don't want to feel taken advantage of.

If you're someone that has sent me a message to pick my brain, THANK YOU. It means the world, and I DO WANT TO HELP YOU. I just can't sit down for coffee with each and every one of you. & for those reasons, I've started doing mentorships, and with the help of Kelsey McGovern, we've designed an entire workshop where ALL of our content revolves around the questions we get asked.

Book a mentor session, you get my undivided attention, purchase a seat to the workshop, you have my attention for 2 full days. and get ALL the info you're wanting. But I can't give it out for free anymore.. As much as I want too, I cant. If I constantly gave out ALL of my information for free, how would I value myself? My work? My business?

I would love to hear any thoughts on this topic, Again its an uneasy one.. So just imagine how hard it was for me to write this KNOWING people would be upset. This wasn’t easy, but it was something I wanted to share.

To book a mentor session click here // With subject line MENTORSHIP

To learn more or purchase a seat to The Compass Workshop click here <3<3